


The Beard Fic

by mortalkings



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Crack, Hot beard sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-07-25 13:42:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7534924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mortalkings/pseuds/mortalkings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's three cheers for three years in the Walker-Smith household, and Spencer has something new in mind to celebrate...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Beard Fic

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a few years ago in early high school and for the longest time it was just an inside joke among me and my friends... It's not intended to be well-written at all, just cracky.

On the night of their third anniversary, Spencer and Jon lounged on the bed after a romantic dinner out, ready to participate in some hot sexual intercourse. Jon was just thinkin' the usual peen-in-butthole action, but Spencer had a spicy new idea that made him frisky and restless.

"Jon, since this is our third anniversary and three is my favorite number, would you let me try something new?" Spencer asked nervously.

Jon shrugged. "Alright, what did you have in mind?"

Spencer took several shaky breaths while Jon gazed at him expectantly before leaning over and kissing Jon's chin, right where his thick beard carpeted the skin.

"Um."

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Spencer breathed, pressing a single pointer finger to Jon's lips. Jon didn't speak again.

Spencer took Jon's hands in his and guided them to his face, moving them over the coarse hair. Jon got the message and began to rub Spencer's beard slowly, while Spencer reached over and did the same to him. By the way Jon's pupils expanded into two voids that seemed as if they would swallow Spencer whole, Spencer guessed Jon felt as much pleasure as he did.

Soon enough, Jon was gasping and Spencer felt his beard quiver in arousal. A silent question was in Jon's eyes: What now? Spencer knew what to do, though; he had read all about this sexual act on Beard Lovers Anonymous Online.

Spencer leans closer and pecked Jon on the lips to reassure him he would guide Jon in this sexy, hairy adventure they were about to embark on. Jon smiled, the movement of his beard like that of a teasing pole dancer before Spencer's eyes. A bearded pole dancer, of course.

Spencer caressed Jon's jaw as he pressed their cheeks together, and Jon sighed in pleasure. Where their beards touched, Spencer's skin tingled in anticipation, about to erupt in hot fire.

Then, Jon spoke for the first time since Spencer had quieted him. "Just do it, Spencer. Go hard. Don't hold back."

"I won't," Spencer promised, and began to move his cheek roughly against Jon's, their beards scratching together. They moaned in unison, the experience hotter than any peen-in-butthole action they had had together. It was so intense Spencer almost thought he would black out, but he kept himself together and held Jon close.

Once Jon adjusted to the new sensation, he began to move with Spencer, rubbing his beard fast and hard with Spencer's. They fell into a rhythm that had both rushing towards the ultimate goal at an unbelievable pace, nearly as fast as in their horny teen years. Spencer had dreamed of this ever since he met Jon, the first bearded man he had been with, and he was glad he had finally brought it up because now he had the opportunity to achieve...a beardgasm.

"Spencer," Jon gasped, and Spencer could just barely hear it over the scratching of their beards and the blood rushing in Spencer's ears. "Are you almost-"

"Yeah-"

"YEAH!"

"HELL YEAAAAAAH," Spencer yelled as he achieved beardgasm with Jon. It hit them with a blinding light, a grand mort instead of a petit mort, the greatest pleasure either had felt in their life.

"Wow," Jon whispered. "That was...incredibeard."

Spencer chuckled and leaned away, smacking Jon on the arm. "You're so lame, oh my god."

Suddenly, horror spread over Jon's features.

Spencer's heart dropped. "What? What's wrong?"

"Your...beard," Jon hissed. "It...It's..."

Spencer jumped off the bed and rushed to the bathroom, flicking on a light. When he saw the state of his beard, he nearly screamed.

"What?! What the fuck?! Beard Lovers Anonymous Online didn't warn about fucking hair loss!" Spencer was in hysterics, a shaky hand tracing the side of his face where he'd shared a beardgasm with Jon, the skin smooth as a baby's butt and completely hairless. Clean shaven.

Jon appeared in the doorway, a worried expression on his face. "I mean... It'll grow back, right? And you still have another two thirds of your beard."

"Maybe there was some sort of protection we were supposed to use. Jon, do you think there could be like, STDs, but for beards? Jon- oh god, Jon, what if we're pregnant?! With a BEARD BABY?!?!"

"Maybe we should be more...hairful next time."

"JON!"


End file.
